THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT: BE FAITHFUL TO GOD AND YOUR SPOUSE

You shall not commit adultery. – Exodus 20:14 NRSVCE

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell. – Matthew 5:27-30 NRSVCE

It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. – Matthew 5:31-32 NRSVCE

The Catechism teaches that Christ’s grace in the Sacrament of Marriage protects the essential purposes of marriage: the good of the couple and the generation and education of children. These purposes are protected and fostered by the permanence of the marriage bond and the mutual fidelity of the spouses. Anything that is contrary to these primary purposes of marriage would likely be contrary to this Commandment.

In a way, the Sixth Commandment is about the family. He created us in His image and knows what is best for us. In Genesis, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone’ ” (Genesis 2:18 NSRVCE). God says, “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 NRSVCE). As Amanda Berg from ForwardinChrist.net points out, when it comes to marriage, God puts it in simple terms: one man and one woman united for life. God is protecting family. 

WHAT IS ADULTERY?

According to Fr. Arul Joseph V, adultery is defined as carnal connection between a married person and one unmarried or between a married person and the spouse of another. It differs from fornication in so far as adultery presupposes the marriage of one or both of the agents.

Adultery is forbidden for the following reasons:

• Adultery is a marital infidelity. It is because a married partner becomes unfaithful to the other “…So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:5-6 NRSVCE).
• The offender commits a sin against the institution of marriage, the Sacrament of love. Marriage is contracted with the mutual consent of the spouses, who promise in God’s name to safeguard and live faithfully the bond of love. St. Paul instructs firmly that the marital partners are to protect the Sacramental love: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NRSVCE).

God commanded his people to be faithful in marriage and to respect one another’s vow exchanged in His presence. Adultery devalues this commitment, made between husband and wife before God. At the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus expanded what is required by this commandment and the definition of adultery to “…everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28 NRSVCE). In other words, this Commandment not only forbids adultery, but also immodest thoughts and looks.

WHAT DOES THE COMMANDMENT REQUIRE?

The Archdiocese of St. Paul & Minneapolis states the requirements of the Sixth Commandment as requiring spouses to practice permanent and exclusive fidelity to one another. Emotional and sexual fidelity are essential to the commitment made in the marriage covenant. God established marriage as a reflection of his fidelity to us. The vows made by the spouses at their wedding to be faithful to one another forever should witness the very covenant God has made with us.

All people—married, single, religious, and ordained—need to acquire the virtue of chastity. “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (CCC no 2337). Jesus is the model of chastity. “Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom” (CCC no 2339). The acquisition of chastity depends on self-discipline and leads to an internal freedom, which enables human beings to temper sexual desires according to God’s plan for the appropriate expression of love in the marital relationship of a man and a woman.

The Catechism describes the acquisition of chastity in the following way: Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence. (CCC no 2342) Chastity has laws of growth which progress through stages marked by imperfection and too often by sin. (CCC no 2343) Chastity presupposes respect for the rights of the person, in particular the right to receive information and an education that respect the moral and spiritual dimensions of human life. (CCC no 2344) Chastity is a moral virtue. It is also a gift from God, a grace, a fruit of spiritual effort. The Holy Spirit enables one whom the water of Baptism has regenerated to imitate the purity of Christ. (CCC no 2345) The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion. (CCC no 2347)

There are a number of acts that are sins against chastity:

• Lust is a “disordered desire for or an inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure,” especially when sought for itself (CCC no 2351).  
• Masturbation is sinful because it misuses the gift of sexuality in an inherently selfish act, devoid of love.   
• Fornication (sexual intercourse between unmarried persons) is sinful because it violates the dignity of persons and the nuptial meaning and purpose of sexuality, which is ordered only to the unitive and procreative goals of married people.  
• Incest (sexual relationships between close relatives) is always wrong, harming both the individuals involved as well as the family itself. 
• Sexual abuse of any kind harms the victim on many more levels than only the physical. Forcing sexual intimacy of any type on a child or minor is an even graver evil (CCC no 2356), which often scars the victim for life (CCC no 2389). 
• Pornography (sexually explicit material) is not only sinful in itself but can also become an addiction and lead to dangerous sexual behaviors.
• Prostitution reduces the person “to an instrument of sexual pleasure,” an object to be used.  
• Rape is an act of violence in which a person forces a sexual act on an unwilling partner. “Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right… It is always an intrinsically evil act” (CCC no 2356). 
• “Homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered” and immoral. “They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity” (CCC no 2357).  “The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition” (CCC no 2358).

SAFEGUARD YOUR ENVIRONMENT, PROTECT YOUR MIND

As the Catechism describes, this Commandment is about chastity, self-mastery, and freedom. “The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. ‘Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.’ (CCC no 2339)

Jesus provided direct advice on how to avoid breaking this Commandment. After expanding the definition of adultery and this Commandment at the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave this advice, “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.” – Matthew 5:27-30 NRSVCE Certainly, Jesus was not asking His followers to mutilate themselves. He was advising that to avoid this sin, you should protect your mind and avoid things, situations, or environments that are likely to lead you into sin. For example, if after work everyone goes to happy hours where there is heavy drinking and situations where you would be more susceptible to sin, maybe you should not drink if you are attending, or not attend at all? If you look lustfully at things on the internet on certain devices or at certain times, how can you avoid those devices at those times?

Avoid music, videos, environments where you or your family are exposed to lust or sex. Don’t be in a position where it is easy to sin. If you can’t find anything on video that is pure, avoid that channel, video, etc. If you find yourself scrolling on the internet and running into temptation, how can you avoid that? Don’t randomly scroll on the internet unless you’re looking for something specifically, block explicit sites on your computer, phone, etc.,

Decide to do your best to stay pure and keep your family pure. Protect your mind by taking control of your environment. Avoid temptation by avoiding situations where you might be tempted. Protect your eyes and ears to protect your mind. Do the same for your children.

HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR FAITH?

• As with any of the Commandments, it’s important to contemplate where you may have violated this Commandment when doing an examination of conscience prior to going to confession. Where you may have gone against this commandment, confess, repent, make it right as best you can for those you may have sinned against, and ask for forgiveness from them and God. God knows our heart. He knows if there is true humility for acknowledgment of the sin, true contrition for the sin, and the true desire to repent and avoid the sin in the future. Without these things, forgiveness is not possible. God gives us the path and the grace for forgiveness however He also gives us the free will to choose to accept His grace and take the path to forgiveness or take a different path.
• Examination of conscience: Did I consent to impure glances? Sinful touches? Have I encouraged lustful thoughts by stares, curiosity, or impure conversations? Did I give my mind over to lustful thoughts or fantasies? Was I immodest in dress or behavior? Did I look at pornography, read impure books, magazines, videos, or movies? Am I guilty of impurity with myself or others? Do I avoid laziness, gluttony, idleness, and the occasions of impurity? Have I sent impure messages or pictures? How are you tempted to use God’s sacred design for sex and sexuality in selfish ways? Do I live chastity as proper to my state in life? Do I respect the sexuality of others and myself as a divine gift? Do I use artificial contraceptives? Do I use masturbation, pornography, extra-marital sexual intercourse as a way to gratify lust?

HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR FAMILY?

• According to Father Mike Schmitz, the definition of love is, “willing the good of another”. Love always requires sacrifice. If you ask any couple that has been married for a length of time, they will confirm that this is the case. Avoiding the temptations to sin against this Commandment will require sacrifice however this is a demonstration of your love for your spouse and your family. This is also demonstrating fidelity to your spouse and our marriage covenant which is a reflection of God’s fidelity and His covenant with us. This Commandment, as all of the Commandments, are provided to us from God because of His love for us. He knows what is best for us and wants what is best for us.
• God’s version of safe sex is abstinence until marriage. When a man and a woman enter into a marriage contract, the seal of that covenant is their union physically. To give away your virginity before marriage may be more serious than you think as it is giving away the seal to your marriage contract. For someone who is unmarried, someday you will fall in love with someone and marry them. You will want to give them the best gift you ever could, your purity, but you can only give this away one time. For married couples, just as the physical union with in marriage seals the covenant of marriage, so a union outside of your marriage with anyone else is what breaks the covenant. You may be saying, “it’s too late. I’ve already given away my seal, my virginity, through pre-marital sex.” While this is a serious sin and there are consequences of this sin, there is hope. You can be forgiven by going through the steps for forgiveness and go forward remaining pure and sinning no more.
• Marriage is oriented toward the good of the couple and the generation and education of children. Anything that works against these orientations would likely run contrary to this Commandment. God knows what is best for us and this Commandment is all about protecting marriage and the family. Since birth control, contraception, vasectomies, etc. are contrary to the orientation of the good of the couple and generation of children, each of these methods would be a violation to this Commandment. Natural family planning should be done instead of these methods.
• In cases of divorce, Jesus said,” ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32 NRSVCE) There are circumstances that would allow for an annulment. According to the USCCB, an annulment is actually a declaration by a Church tribunal (a Catholic Church court) that a marriage thought to be valid according to Church law actually fell short of at least one of the essential elements required for a binding union. The process for obtaining such a declaration is frequently misunderstood. For more details, you can visit the USCCB site.

HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR BUSINESS?

• Don’t let money, position, power, or prestige become your idol and become an adulteress with idols or money.  “No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. – Matthew 6:24 NRSVCE
• Although more directly addressed in the two greatest Commandments, as well as the First, Seventh, and Tenth Commandments, Ezekial highlighted that you can commit adultery with love of idols as well. “For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands; with their idols they have committed adultery; and they have even offered up to them for food the children whom they had borne to me.” – Ezekiel 23:37 NRSVCE For many of us, our business can often become an idol. We can rationalize to ourselves that we are spending all of our time and attention in our business for others (our spouse, our kids, our family), but if we were to ask our spouse and kids, would they say that we demonstrate our love for them and that our priority is them over the business? As Cody Carlson wrote in his book “Win at Home First”, often we can get so wrapped up in work that our business is always getting the best of us and our family is just getting what energy we have left over. Are we present and engaged during our work day, but then burned out and our mind elsewhere when we get home? We have to be careful that our business, or the money and power that might come with our business, doesn’t become our idol, our master that we serve, or the object of our love over God, our family, or others.
• According to GotQuestions.org, Spiritual adultery is unfaithfulness to God. It is having an undue fondness for the things of the world. Spiritual adultery is analogous to the unfaithfulness of one’s spouse: “‘But like a woman faithless to her lover, even so have you been faithless to me, O house of Israel,’ says the LORD” (Jeremiah 3:20; see also Isaiah 1:21; 57:8; Ezekiel 16:30).
  • The Bible tells us that people who choose to be friends with the world are an “adulterous people” having “enmity against God” (James 4:4–5). The “world” here is the system of evil under Satan’s control (John 12:31; Ephesians 2:2; 1 John 5:19). The world system, with its contrived and deceitful scheme of phony values, worthless pursuits, and unnatural affections, is designed to lure us away from a pure relationship with God. Spiritual adultery, then, is the forsaking of God’s love and the embracing of the world’s values and desires (Romans 8:7–8; 2 Timothy 4:10; 1 John 2:15–17).
  • Spiritual adultery includes any form of idolatry. In the Old Testament, the children of Israel tried to mix the worship of other gods such as Baal with that of God (Judges 3:7; 1 Kings 16:31–33; Jeremiah 19:5). In doing so, Israel became like an adulterous wife who wanted both a husband and another lover (Jeremiah 9:2; Ezekiel 6:9; 16:32). In the New Testament, James defines spiritual adultery as claiming to love God while cultivating friendship with the world (James 4:4–5).
  • The person who commits spiritual adultery is one who professes to be a Christian yet finds his real love and pleasure in the things that Satan offers. For believers, the love of the world and the love of God are direct opposites. Believers committing spiritual adultery may claim to love the Lord, but, in reality, they are captivated by the pleasures of this world, its influence, comforts, financial security, and so-called freedoms.
  • Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24). The Bible exhorts us, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world” (1 John 2:15–16). Believers must echo the words of the old hymn: “The world behind me, the cross before me; no turning back.”
  • “As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy’” (1 Peter 1:14–16). Spiritual adultery is like trying to straddle the fence with one foot in the world and the other in heaven. We cannot have both. As Jesus warned the church in Laodicea, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth” (Revelation 3:15–16).
  • The love of the world is primarily an attitude of one’s heart, and we can cast away worldliness by cultivating a new affection. To avoid spiritual adultery, “set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2, KJV).

Take care and God bless. I’m praying for you. Please pray for me.

ADDITIONAL WISDOM FROM THE BIBLE

• Neither shall you commit adultery. – Deuteronomy 5:18 NRSVCE
• If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death. – Leviticus 20:10 NRSVCE
• Marriage honourable in all, and the bed undefiled. For fornicators and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4 NRSVCE
• But he who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself. – Proverbs 6:32 NRSVCE
• The False Attractions of Adultery, My child, keep my words and store up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live, keep my teachings as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers, write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend, that they may keep you from the loose woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. For at the window of my house I looked out through my lattice, and I saw among the simple ones, I observed among the youths, a young man without sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. Then a woman comes toward him, decked out like a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the squares, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with impudent face she says to him: “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you! I have decked my couch with coverings, colored spreads of Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. He took a bag of money with him; he will not come home until full moon.” With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. Right away he follows her, and goes like an ox to the slaughter, or bounds like a stag toward the trap until an arrow pierces its entrails. He is like a bird rushing into a snare, not knowing that it will cost him his life. And now, my children, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Do not let your hearts turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths. For many are those she has laid low, and numerous are her victims. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death. – Proverbs 7:1-27 NRSVCE
• I hate three kinds of people, and I loathe their manner of life: a pauper who boasts, a rich person who lies, and an old fool who commits adultery. – Sirach 25:2 NRSVCE
• I will judge you as women who commit adultery and shed blood are judged, and bring blood upon you in wrath and jealousy. – Ezekiel 16:38 NRSVCE
• For they have committed adultery, and blood is on their hands; with their idols they have committed adultery; and they have even offered up to them for food the children whom they had borne to me. – Ezekiel 23:37 NRSVCE
• But righteous judges shall declare them guilty of adultery and of bloodshed; because they are adulteresses and blood is on their hands. – Ezekiel 23:45 NRSVCE