“You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife” – Exodus 20:17
In the review of the Sixth Commandment, we covered how this commandment is focused on the physical acts and forbids the impure actions, the Ninth Commandment addresses the deliberate and conscious intentions and thoughts inside of us. The Ninth Commandment is focused on our heart and our mind – the impure desires, thoughts, and covetousness inside each of us. As Jesus said, ““…everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28 NRSVCE) And, although the exact text is, “wife”, this Commandment is equally applicable to women relating to their husband.
According to Catholic Answers, coveting means, “an inordinate attachment to things. It is being obsessed with having. To be obsessed with something is to make a god of it. It becomes more important than anything else.“. I’ve also seen covet defined as “lusting after” or “longing for with great desire.” In the case of the Ninth Commandment, it is longing for someone in which it is not morally right to long after. Coveting another person’s spouse would be entertaining impure thoughts about someone else’s spouse. Even if you don’t act on those thoughts. Simply considering them for pleasure is forbidden by the Ninth Commandment.
It should be noted that covetous forbidden by this Commandment is willful and it is different than temptation. A temptation is something that we cannot avoid and it’s not sinful. Temptations become sins when our time and energy is given over to the temptation, even if simply in our thoughts and desires. These thoughts or desires can pop into our heads at any time, whether we’re dreaming or awake. If such thoughts arise in our mind involuntarily and we set them aside as soon as we are conscious of these thoughts, it is not sinful. These thoughts become sinful when we willfully given them our time or energy. For example, maybe you see some qualities in another person’s spouse, or someone else’s marriage, that you desire and, instead of going to prayer as to how you might improve your marriage, you spend time envying their marriage or desiring that other person. If seeing another’s good marriage inspires you to try and improve your marriage, this is great, but if it leads to sadness, resentment and envy, it would be sinful.
Our desires and temptations are where sin originates (James 1:14-15). Covetousness is the precursor of all types of sin and it’s often the result of envy. As envy grows in the heart, it can lead to even worse sins. In addition, envy and covetousness distract us from pursuing the only thing that will ever make us happy and content – namely God. True happiness can only be found through a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
WHY DOES IT SEEM WE ARE DRAWN TO SINFUL DESIRES?
We all struggle with concupiscence. Concupiscence is the interior tendency that we all have as a result of Original Sin. Because of our fallen human nature, we tend to look at others in a disordered and impure way. Concupiscence has also been described as the inner tension between our spirit and our flesh. Our spirit, when united to Christ, longs for holiness and to see all people in a dignified way. Our flesh, however, seriously struggles to desire what God wants us to desire. Our flesh pushes us to act contrary to what is good and reasonable in order to fulfill certain disordered and selfish desires. The greatest virtue we can foster to overcome these tendencies is purity of heart. Some people have built up strong virtues to help overcome these tendencies, but many people often struggle with this every day.
St. Paul wrote, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire and covetousness …” (Colossians 3:5). Sexual temptations can be very powerful. All of us must strive for purity of our thoughts and desires as well as in our actions. Through this purity, we will experience love on a whole new level.
WHAT DOES THE COMMANDMENT REQUIRE?
“The ninth commandment warns against lust or carnal concupiscence.” (CCC no 2529) It prohibits deliberate, conscious, and impure lust, desires, thoughts, and covetousness of another’s spouse.
According to the Catechism, “The struggle against carnal lust involves purifying the heart and practicing temperance.” (CCC no. 2530) “Purity of heart will enable us to see God: it enables us even now to see things according to God.” (CCC no. 2531) “Purification of the heart demands prayer, the practice of chastity, purity of intention and of vision.” (CCC no. 2532) “Purity of heart requires the modesty which is patience, decency, and discretion. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person.” (CCC no. 2533)
In other words, to protect our inner selves and follow the Ninth Commandment, we must purify the heart and practice temperance. This will allow us to see God, other people, and things according to God. To purify the heart and practice temperance, it demands prayer, the practice of chastity, purity of intention, and of vision. It also requires modesty which is patience, decency, and discretion. This modesty protects the intimate center of the person and thus helps us fulfill the Ninth Commandment.
HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR FAITH?
- As with any of the Commandments, it’s important to contemplate where you may have violated this Commandment when doing an examination of conscience prior to going to confession.
- Where you may have gone against this commandment, confess, repent, make it right as best you can for those you may have sinned against, and ask for forgiveness from them and God. God knows our heart. He knows if there is true humility for acknowledgment of the sin, true contrition for the sin, and the true desire to repent and avoid the sin in the future. Without these things, forgiveness is not possible. God gives us the path and the grace for forgiveness however He also gives us the free will to choose to accept His grace and take the path to forgiveness or take a different path.
- Examination of conscience: Do I honor and respect the proper boundaries of relationships? Have I led others to sin through immodesty or bad example? Have I refused my spouse the marriage right without good reason? Have I willfully entertained impure thoughts or desires? Have I respected all members of the opposite sex, or have I objectified them? Have I read, listened to, viewed, or spoken of impure things? Have I worn revealing or immodest clothing? Have I succumbed to any occasions of impurity?
HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR FAMILY?
- Foster and demonstrate the virtue of purity of heart in your family.
- Develop strategies to help you avoid temptation or, when it does occur, minimize the impact and prevent you from giving your time or energy to it. For example, some strategies could be through prayer, distraction with pure, productive thoughts or habits, avoidance of environments or things that may tempt you, etc.
- “Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet.” (CCC no. 2522) In our families, we can lead by example to promote and demonstrate modesty. “…Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person.” (CCC no. 2524)
- Be careful to avoid moral permissiveness and educate yourself and your family in the moral law. “So called moral permissiveness rests on an erroneous conception of human freedom; the necessary precondition for the development of true freedom is to let oneself be educated in the moral law. Those in charge of education can reasonably be expected to give young people instruction respectful of the truth, the qualities of the heart, and the moral and spiritual dignity of man.” (CCC no. 2526)
HOW CAN WE APPLY THIS TO OUR BUSINESS?
- Our work takes up a large portion of our time during our lives and temptations are likely to occur. As mentioned under family applications, develop strategies to help you to avoid temptation or prevent you from giving your time or energy to it while at work.
- Promote modesty in all advertisements and other forms of communication. According to the Catechism, “There is a modesty of the feelings as well as of the body. It protests, for example, against the voyeuristic explorations of the human body in certain advertisements, or against the solicitations of certain media that go too far in the exhibition of intimate things. Modesty inspires a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies.” (CCC no. 2523) It goes on to say that, “Christian purity requires a purification of the social climate. It requires of the communications media that their presentations show concern for respect and restraint. Purity of heart brings freedom from widespread eroticism and avoids entertainment inclined to voyeurism and illusion.” (CCC no. 2525)
Take care and God bless. I’m praying for you. Please pray for me.
ADDITIONAL WISDOM FROM THE BIBLE
- “Neither shall you covet your neighbor’s wife.” – Deuteronomy 5:21 NRSVCE
- “Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry).” – Colossians 3:5 NRSVCE
- “But one is tempted by one’s own desire, being lured and enticed by it; then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and that sin, when it is fully grown, gives birth to death.” – James 1:14-15 NRSVCE
- “Blessed is anyone who endures temptation. Such a one has stood the test and will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12 NRSVCE
- “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 NRSVCE
- “If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.” – Matthew 18:6 NRSVCE, Mark 9:42 NRSVCE
- “Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer, and then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1 Corinthians 7:5 NRSVCE
- “For neither has the evil intent of human art misled us, nor the fruitless toil of painters, a figure stained with varied colors, whose appearance arouses yearning in fools,so that they desire the lifeless form of a dead image. Lovers of evil things and fit for such objects of hope are those who either make or desire or worship them.” – Wisdom 15:4-6 NRSVCE